by Margaret Mann

I have been struggling lately with the notion of "women born women” and the controversy about letting them attend “women’s” events. Certain questions come to mind as I struggle. The first question that pops into mind is why? Why do we need to define who can attend events and who cannot? The second question is how to determine who is WBW?

Last year I met a very charming woman who identified herself as a lesbian and I invited her to attend a picnic sponsored by a lesbian group here in Hawaii. The picnic was held at a public beach park. As she approached the picnic site she was asked by one of the organizers to leave because this was event for WBW only.  Boy children are welcome at this picnic and it made no sense to me that transgendered folks are not.  It broke my heart that we could not expand our definition of who "we are" to include someone who wanted to be with us. Who are we to draw lines in the sand? Have we not experienced first hand for centuries what is like to be on the wrong side of the line as lesbians, as women, as young or old, as women of color, or as poor women? What right do we have to impose that experience on someone else?

At a meeting of lesbians meeting to plan events for folks on Oahu I suggested that we open the invitation to all women. One of the lesbians said that once she had worked with transgendered folks on a committee and they were very difficult to work with and she didn't want to put up with that again. I pointed out that I had served on several committees with lesbians who were difficult and it didn't stop me from wanting to work with lesbians! This is when a preference becomes a prejudice. Because we could not seem to resolve this issue I decided to leave LIPS and form the Lesbian Arts and Culture Exchange (LACE) which has no "woman born woman" rules.

A few years ago I attended the UN Fourth World Conference on Women in Beijing, China. One workshop there was a panel of women theologians from around the world discussing the rise of fundamentalism. The conclusion was that people want certainty, they want to know the rules, and they want to know what is right and what is wrong. The theologians determined that in this age of pluralities where everything is acceptable and the differences we once thought separated them from us now begin to blur. In an effort to make sense out of this and comfort the unease that goes with it, some folks turn to fundamentalism as an answer. I suspect the same need for an answer is behind the WBW notion. In an age of indeterminate gender, multi-culturalism, and hyphenated ethnicity we have to draw the line somewhere…or do we?

On a nine-hour plane ride recently I sat next to a young person whose gender I could not determine. It was several hours before I decided that this person was female. She was quite a good cartoonist as was drawing characters from a television program that featured similar non-gender-specific characters. I suspect the younger generation might have something to teach us about this. I suspect they find gender-less appealing for the same reasons some find women-born-women appealing. As I sat next to this young person I asked myself why it was important that I know whether she was male or female. The only reason I could come up with was sex. You would only need to know what sex a person was if you intended to have sex with them. I did not intend to have sex with that person, so in a way, their sex and/or gender are irrelevant.

It seems to me that the drawing of lines in the sand almost always lead to discrimination. Or so it seems for the last 4,000 years of recorded history.  I further suspect that these lines are becoming archaic. I read a book about the X chromosome recently and in there the author points out that many more people than previously known are actually combinations of X and Y chromosomes in much greater variety than XX and XY. So, how are we to actually to determine whether someone is " really" a WBW? Require genetic testing? How are we going to determine whether someone is transgendered as the science of hormone regulation and plastic surgery advance to the point where we can no longer tell from ones appearance? Perhaps then we will have to give up our gender prejudices and judge the people we meet on their own merit. What a revolutionary thought! Maybe like the woman in that poem who wore purple and a red hat that didn't go we could start practicing now…


The Netflix blurb for The Kids Are All Right reads: The children of same-sex parents Nic and Jules become curious about the identity of their sperm donor dad and set out to make him part of their family unit…with frequent comical results. With his arrival the household dynamics quickly become complicated and no body is sure where or how he fits in, if at all

This blub did not prepare me for a film focused primarily on heterosexual fucking. First we see the sperm donor fucking his employee which is questionable enough (like what this had remotely to do with the story line?). If that wasn’t bad enough we are then exposed to way too many minutes of him and one of the lesbian moms fucking their brains out in many different positions in explicit pornographic detail. I was outraged to be tricked into becoming an unwitting voyeur of just plain pornographic sex when I thought I was going to see a film about a lesbian family. We could have gotten the idea of what was happening with Jules just as clearly without the graphic details. In fact the graphic details detracted from the portrayal of her struggle. So, you gotta wonder what the director was really trying to say….what was the message exactly about these protracted heterosexual sex scenes? Hmm?

I am always suspicious when women are slapped around or Black men lynched in a film…raises the hair on the back of my neck about how certain mainstream behaviors (supposedly bad) are happily modeled under the guise of realistic film making.

To be fair, other than the sex scenes and some very stilted psycho-babble-new-age-speak directed at the children the story was great. The two lesbians did model how mature adults who work on their “stuff” can make a relationship work. I thought the actors did a great job and there were moments of brilliant directorship. But the fucking sex scenes ruined the movie for me. I will not be purchasing this film, I will not be adding it to my very small collection of good lesbian films. I am so sorry the director felt the need to include this trash in the middle of what could have been a wonderful film.