I would like to fall in love just one last time. I would like one more kiss that causes my universe fall into place. I would like one more passionate zap in my private parts. I would like my heart to stop when the phone rings in the hopes that it will be the love of my life. I would like to bury my face in soft skin in a neck and breathe their sweet scent. I would like to look deep once again in someone’s eyes and see true love reflecting back. I would like to walk hand in hand along the sand with a silly grin. I would like to answer the door and be greeted with a long kiss. But….
I know too much now about the physiological and psychological aspects of “falling in love.” Experience and information have put a damper on romance. I know too much about endorphins, serotonin, projected golden shadows, a 50% divorce rate and co-dependence to ever be swept away again. But…I wish I could.
And, I would also like to have faith in a “big idea” again: The Secret, EST, transactional analysis, rock and roll will save the world, being born again, peace in the Middle East or even that there is God in charge of anything. But all the big ideas have fallen by the wayside for me as I age. No big idea seems to make sense any more. Little things like friendship make a lot of sense but no big ideas like Nouveau Riche University, Rich Dad Poor Dad for me. Or even, I hate to say, the whole Wall Street protest thing lately. I see right through them.
And yes, I would love to truly believe in a political candidate once again. Not since my heart was broken when Bobby Kennedy got shot have I believed. I support a candidate now and then but I don’t believe like I used to. I spent 15 years walking the halls of Congress and I know now that any one elected to a national office has sold their soul to the devil somewhere along the way. I have seen too many “honest politicians” fall from grace with sex scandals, income tax evasions, and just plain stupid decisions.
And, I would love to truly believe in a product again. I used to believe in Celestial Seasons and Progresso Soups and now they have been bought out by some multi-national corporation. It seems that all my product decisions are now made in China. I used to believe that some products were better than others but now I am not so sure and they all seem how less than they used to be. Too many recalls, too many lawsuits, and too many consumer alerts.
So with the wisdom of age, which I thoroughly enjoy, comes a dark side that I did not anticipate. I didn’t expect to become a “jaded Washingtonian.” Well…I am not living in Washington DC any more but you know what I mean. I hate that wisdom trumped romance and innocence. I still wish something or someone would ring my chimes. But then, it will probably be something ironical like Jack Nicolson in the movie The Bucket List wishing to kiss the most beautiful girl in the world. It turned out to be his three year old granddaughter.
November 26, 2010